A part of me kinda wanted to submit a poem or something,
but everyone knows,
xD I can't write poetry.
and even if I manage to write something poetic,
it's really long, thorough, and eccentric.
I tried,
and it couldn't come out with what I wanted it to say.

That's the weird thing about me and the arts.
The moment I think is the moment I fail.
-shrugs- That proves strongest with music. The
minute I think about the notes I'm playing I totally
mess up.

anyways,
"Mannequin's don't smile."
Well, they don't.
They're also hallow.
Usually limb-less,
and a size -2.

So don't compare yourself to a mannequin.
Don't let them... stare you down.

I guess... I'm gonna have a corny moment,
but if you're someone who's really worked up
about your looks, wondering why "you don't
look that good in it as the mannequin did" or
ANYTHING like that,

I want you to know,

you're better off the way you are.
And I'm saying this from the bottom of my heart.
You might think you want to loose weight,
but once you loose it,
you're miserable.
It's never enough.
You wanna keep going.

Something I found myself thinking,
and even my therapist brought up,
was that "I wanted bones."

Kim made me realize it, too.
I thought I was /happier/ as an anorexic.
And I really might've been.
At first.
I felt cleansed.
Relieved...
But after a while,
...
I realized I was dead-like on the inside.
Or,
like a mannequin.
Something that was hallow, lifeless,
and couldn't smile.

Because I was dead miserable.

It's when Kim said,
"If I'm going to be as miserable as you,
then I'm not going to bother trying to lose
weight." Or, something like that.
And I hadn't noticed it.

I really hadn't noticed how depressed I was.


Going to the nutritionist helped.
It was nice hearing from a stranger "It's okay to eat,"
as weird as that might sound to anyone who reads this.
I kinda thought it was a 'sin.'
And here were these strangers,
who had NO reason to be lying to me,
who told me... it was okay.
And they were doing all they could to help me...

So maybe I changed out of guilt.
I know I still think (for the most part) like an anorexic still.
But,
for the most part.


Here's to getting over anorexia.
And though I'm glad I'm not the size I was,
and not satisfied with the size I am now,
Here's to hoping I never revert back to it again.